If you are wondering what has gotten into us, we are posting fast and furiously because Trout Towers is hosting Opera Hell Week: Seven Days, Seven Operas and the Trouts’ friends need all the help they can get. The seven operas are: La Fille du Régiment, La Bohème, Tosca, Romeo and Juliet, Salome, The Barber of Seville and Magic Flute. Feel free to follow along.

They’re watching streaming HD from the Metropolitan Opera’s Met Player. It’s cheap and there are tons of operas to watch.* We at Opera Betty maintain that HD opera broadcasts are a gateway to hardcore live opera use. First one’s free.

And now, to Tosca!

I love Tosca because the first video I ever watched of it featured a not particularly attractive or svelte Tosca and when she threw herself from the ramparts she did so with the finesse and grace of a rhino on fire. It was truly hilarious and I rewound it mercilessly.

Tosca also has some of my favorite music - Scarpia’s “Va Tosca” (with the Te Deum in the background) and the scene in which Tosca is heard singing outside Scarpia’s window. Listen for it.

Act I takes place inside a church in Rome. Angelotti, an escaped political prisoner, rushes in, finds a hidden key and ducks  into one of the gated chapels. Mario Cavaradossi is painting a fresco of the Madonna in the church and returns to work soon after Angelotti’s arrival. Recognizing Mario as a fellow Bonapartist, Angelotti reveals himself. No, not like that.

Mario locks the door to the church and offers Angelotti help. The locked door rouses the suspicions of the already jealous Tosca, a famous opera singer. Opera singers are like that. He manages to shoo Tosca away, but not before she notices the Madonna looks like someone she knows. She leaves,  a ticking bomb of jealousy. The woman Mario is painting as the Madonna happens to be Angelotti’s sister but neither Tosca nor Mario know that. The only reason it’s important is the sister left clothes for Angelotti because he likes dressing in women’s clothing when he’s escaping from prison. Angelotti leaves his sister’s fan behind because it doesn’t match his eyes.

Angelotti and Mario hear the cannons signaling an escaped prisoner and dash off together. Angelotti will hide at Mario’s pad. Wearing his sister’s dress. Oh, the indignity.

Tosca comes back to find Mario gone.

Scarpia, the chief of police, wants Tosca in a not particularly healthy relationship kind of way. He finds the fan and uses it to get Tosca in a twist about Mario and Angelotti’s sister. She storms off to find Mario and Scarpia sends a spy after her. This is when he sings the “I love it when a plan comes together” aria, accompanied by a bunch of choirboys.

Act II is in Scarpia’s apartment. He’s having dinner by himself because everyone hates him. His window is open and this is when you hear Tosca singing below. He sends a message to her to come up when she’s quite finished.

The spy he sent to find Angelotti returns, without Angelotti. To appease Scarpia, he’s brought Mario instead. The two bicker about where Angelotti is long enough for Tosca to arrive. And then Scarpia sends Mario off to be tortured.

Eventually Tosca can’t stand the sound of Mario being tortured and she spills the beans. Mario is brought out and told that Tosca gave up Angelotti’s hiding place. He is displeased. They usher him off to prison.

Tosca asks Scarpia what his price is to release Mario, which is a big mistake. Scarpia cannot resist a woman who hates him and absolutely cannot wait to get his hands on Tosca. He tells her as much. She sings “Vissi d’arte” which is quite famous and is about how she’s dedicated her life to art and love and a hell of a lot of good it’s done her.

Scarpia says, “I’m having him executed, so, uh, what do you think? You? Me?”

Tosca says “you are one seriously creepy dude so make it quick and make sure Mario and I have travel papers to Bermuda.” Scarpia tells his henchman to make it a mock execution and gives him the signal about what kind of mock he means.

Alone with Tosca, Scarpia writes the requested letter and signs it just as Tosca, seriously grossed out at the thought of him, spots a knife on his table. And kills him. You go, girl.

Tosca then scampers to find Mario in prison, where he’s already singing about how much he loves her. They sing together and she tells him she killed Scarpia. He thinks that’s totally hot. She tells him not to worry and brings him up to speed on the mock execution and the trip to Bermuda.

The guards come get Mario. He’s very brave since they’re not really going to kill him. After the firing squad has mockly executed him and gone off to breakfast, Tosca tells Mario he can get up. He doesn’t get up because they left out the mock part when they executed him.

There’s a kerfluffle as Scarpia’s minions discover she’s killed him and they come for her. Since Mario’s already dead and there’s nothing to live for, she tosses herself over the wall - either to her death or into a gorse bush. It’s hard to tell how high up they are.

and…. curtain.

*this is, sadly, a neither paid nor requested endorsement.

Photo by Cory Weaver. Courtesy of San Diego Opera

La Bohème is stupidly famous because who doesn’t like an opera about garrets and poets and coughing? It is pronounced “Lah Boe-EM” and means “Bohemia.”

Rodolfo, Colline and Marcello are friends. Rodolfo is a poet, Colline a philosopher and Marcello a painter. They are a trifecta of monetary disfunction. The opera opens on Rodolfo, burning pages of his writing to keep warm. Schaunard, their musician friend, arrives saying he’s landed work. They all go out on the town with promises from Rodolfo to join them.

Mimi arrives, saying her candle has “blown out.” Rodolfo lights her candle (not a euphemism, yet) and sends her on her way but it “blows out” again and then she “drops her key”  and there’s some groping in the dark and singing and lo and behold the next thing you know they’re in love.

They leave to go join the others and Rodolfo buys her a bonnet which she will probably have to burn later to keep warm.

At the cafe, Marcello’s ex, Musetta, arrives with her sugardaddy, Alcindoro. Musetta sends Alcindoro off on some errand and they all have a splendid time and leave him with the bill.

In act 3 Mimi confides in Marcello that she wants to leave Rodolfo because he is so horribly jealous. Shortly after, Rodolfo talks about dumping Mimi because she’s so fickle and flirty and we’re all “wha…? When was she fickle and flirty? She hasn’t done anything but cough.” This is because there was an act 2.5 and we missed it. In act 2.5, the librettist wrote a scene where Musetta introduces Mimi to a Viscount and Mimi is indeed fickle and flirty. Who can blame her? She’s broke and dying and Rodolfo is kind of whiney.  The scene didn’t make the cut and no one bothered to proofread the rest of the libretto.

Rodolfo then admits that the real reason he wants to leave Mimi is that she is sick and probably dying and he is too poor to take care of her and is probably, in fact, making her sicker with his poetry. She overhears this and rushes to Rodolfo. They decide to stay together until spring or until one of them gets a paying gig, whichever comes first.

Later, the three friends are doing whatever it is they do in their garret when Musetta rushes in and tells them Mimi is dying. They all run around like chickens, trying to help, but she dies anyway.

The end.

I hesitate to add that La Bohème was the basis for Jonathan Larson’s Rent.

First of all, I don’t know how to tell you to pronounce “Turandot.” Opera critic people pronounce the “t” because it’s a Persian name, but in the opera they say Tour-an-dough because it’s in Italian. So good luck with that.

Turandot is a princess who is supposed to get married but would rather have her suitors executed. I think anyone who’s been on a blind date can appreciate that. She is mind numbingly beautiful, so suitors keep signing up for the challenge. If the suitor can answer three riddles, he gets to marry her. If not, he gets his head chopped off. Fair? Fair.

A Persian prince is about to be executed and a crowd has gathered to watch. It’s like Monday night football. In the frenzy, Timur, exiled Tartar king, is pushed to the ground and Liu, his slave girl, cries for help to protect him. Who should stumble upon them (not literally) but Calaf, the exiled Tartar prince. They are all disguised because of, you know, being exiled.

This happy little reunion is interrupted by the appearance of the doomed Persian prince. Turandot has the opportunity to save him, but doesn’t. He’s executed and his head goes on the curio shelf with all the others. Calaf thinks that’s kind of awesome and rings the gong announcing himself as the next suitor. Calaf is an idiot.

When Calaf’s turn comes, he miraculously answers all the riddles correctly. Turandot is pissed. Calaf is still an idiot so he says “if you discover my name by sunrise, you can go ahead and kill me.” Rumpelstiltskinesque hilarity ensues.

Things are looking good for Calaf until his father and Liu are dragged in. Liu insists that she alone knows the name, to protect Timur. Why is she so hot and bothered about protecting Timur? Because she is in love with Calaf, of course. So they torture her. When Turandot asks Liu what gives her such courage, Liu says “love.” Which Turandot finds irritating. She tells her minions to keep up the good work.

Afraid she will eventually be forced to tell, Liu grabs a dagger and kills herself. And then the sun rises.

Turandot and Calaf find themselves alone. Calaf tells her how cruel and heartless she is and then kisses her, despite her protests (about the kiss. She was probably in total agreement about the cruel and heartless part). Turandot then realizes that Calaf is not only an idiot, he is totally hot. He tells her his name, in case she still feels like killing him, and when the time comes to announce his name, she says his name is “love.”

Turandot was Puccini’s last opera and was unfinished when he died.  If he hadn’t finished the end, maybe he meant for Turandot to say “Calaf? Meh. Kill him.”